I’m Toast!

When the smell of toast toasting (ha-ha, “toast toasting”, so Dr. Seuss-like), wafted into my office and smacked me in the nose I was dazzled by memories. Beautiful, fulfilling, toast-eating memories: toast with peanut butter; toast with jam (I never mix); toasted sandwiches with plenty of mayo; Toast.

The smell carried me so far away that I couldn’t concentrate on my work, so I gave my head a shake and took myself for a walk. Of course you know what I did, right? I followed that smell right to the source. And there in the kitchen I witnessed the toast in all its glory. And get this; the toast was topped with a deliciously coloured, homemade jam…real jam with real sugar in it!

Had the toast-owner not been there there’s no telling what would have happened but he was there, and he was at one with his toast so I was left, toastless and deflated, to my own devices.

Could I toast me some toast of my own, as in, put bread in the toaster, toast it (toaster toasting toast, ha-ha), add jam, and eat? Could I oh could I? My GOD I love toast; I MISS toast; I WANT SOME BLOODY TOAST!

I open the food cupboard and survey:

Bread? Check.

Butter? Check.

Waistline?

…Waistline?

I make the appropriate choice, plug in the kettle and wait for it to boil. The green tea was the good choice, the healthy choice, the smart choice. That’s me, smart ‘n all.

Smart. At times yes, and at times like this, maybe not. What happens when we deny our deep-seated want, regardless of how momentary it is? Is this how we crash-and-burn from our good eating habits? Is this the kind of denial that spirals us downward toward a bigger gaff later on like, say, eating 8 chocolate bars in one sitting?

It’s been months since I’ve stuck some toast in my gullet and I don’t think of it much anymore but, like some distant heartbreak unearthed by a current experience, it creeps up in the most unexpected of times and floods in. Then the fight breaks out. This time I triumphed, green tea let-down and all, but next time? Will I triumph tomorrow if Mr. Toast-toaster has toast with – OMG – peanut butter?

Next time I think I’ll just eat some damn toast and not sit here, 5 hours later, eating chocolate bars and dreaming toast.